The Den of Elari

tears taste like salt

(lets hope that the school chromebook doesnt flag this, but im going to be real on here for a minute or two)

I have been crying, a lot

My mom sometimes tells me im a lazy, stupid, ungrateful daughter. She says this over the smallest things; Can't figure out how to fix the coffee maker, im stupid. She doesnt think i do my school work, and its infuriating, every time i tell her that i would like to do schoolwork and help her later, she always says "stop lying, youre not doing homework, youre just in bed sleeping, do you think im dumb?" No, mother, its not like the reason i immediately go to my room is because of my inability to do anything without you commenting on it. She comments on my weight, my body. It makes me so uncomftorable, and theres nothing i can do about it either since everytime i voice my discomfort she says "im your mother, im allowed to do that"

Im gonna sound like a broken record, but the school work. Its pissing me off beyond belief. I honestly cant wait to leave this stupid school and never look back at that building and this city too. Every single class is stressing me out, its like EVERY week there seems to be some major test. Oh? we just finished touching on a subject!? Well we have a test next week!!!! or that one graphics design class where the teacher always adds something new EVERY DAY. Cant even breathe either with my friends always bickering about eachother about some drama that happened half a year ago, LIKE MOVE ON!? I dont care.

To be honest this is too much for me. I just want to take a nap. A nap that will hopefully last forever.

Back on the main subject, mom did her routine as always, calling me over, calling me lazy, and ungrateful. I told her that i was working on this Digital Map for History, but she said "I know youre lying, you dont even do anything" and then she does her little lecture about how shes talented than me and anyone else in this house combined, and how i dont know anything. I calmly told her that i Am doing my work, and if she doesnt believe me then i could show her! but instead she just looked at me and said, "go to your room to do your homework, besides that isnt even what youre doing."

She's been ignoring me, i tried to talk to her; to apologize for earlier but she doesnt even want to make eye contact with me. I feel awful. Why did i have to say that? I should've kept my mouth shut. I made myself a sandwitch, and its just looking at me, begging to be eaten, but i felt this sudden urge to cry. well i cried for about 10 minutes or so, and felt something enter my mouth, it was a tear. I never knew tears were salty!? Since when!?