My name is Elari,

At the age of 8 I discovered that i was a lesbian. This caused me to deeply hate myself, along with faltering my faith in God. This pattern became prevalent in my formative years and even today.

Before this discovery, I've always known that there was something off about me. I had imaginary friends who were eerily similar to certain religious figures, one of them being Saint Rita. To the dismay of my family, friends, and enemies, they tend to see some weird stuff every once in a while. I had an experience that radicalized me in my youth but I will keep it as that for my privacy and safety. Sadly, my mental health issues make it hard to discern these experiences so I focus on dreams.

In many ways, this blog along with my once strong faith in catholicism, helped me accept myself when I was struggling to find my place in the church. Despite most of my writings being a bunch of rambling along with the sudden change in beliefs I still hold this topic close to heart—I become very emotional whenever it comes up. I dont want to ramble as much on my about me, but I learned one important thing: before I was born God looked at me and declared "you are beautiful". If my rambles helps atleast one person then I can die happily and maybe then God will show me mercy.

I like nerdy stuff, pokemon special and cookie run are my main interests. Minor ones include Gregory Horror Show, taiko no tatsujin, and Naruto. I have a variation of hobbies: painting, sewing, making jewelry, and fucking around with code. Ive always had an interest in esotericism and once strive to become an academic who specialized on modern practices that could be considered "taboo" to the average person. Sadly, I am pursuing Computer Science.