Q AND A
I have been asked multiple questions when I became catholic again.
"Have you come to terms with your Sexuality? Have you tried praying the gay away?" All those questions will be answered here!
NOTICE: Most of these are incomplete, but will be completed shortly
Q: When did you realize that you were attracted to the same gender?
A: I think I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was a huge Pokemon fan (and still am) and I was watching it on the TV. There was this one specific episode where Ash Ketchum crossdressed as a girl to fight the gym leader. I dont know why, but my younger self thought "OH! He looks cute as a girl! I wish he was a girl!." And then I developed a crush on a girl from the earlier seasons lol, I think her name was Lacy or something, all I remember was that she had an Electabuzz. The first girl I ever had a crush on was my best friend. However, due to a falling out we now despise each other. I wanted to be with her, but im thankful that I didn't date her because looking back she was very toxic.
Q: Have you tried praying the gay away?
A: Yes, multiple times and all my attempts to become straight have failed! Instead, I became gayer!
Q: How did you come to terms with your sexuality?
I hated this part of myself the most for almost my entire life, it got so bad that I was close to ending my life a couple of years ago. While I was returning to catholicism I still felt uneasy about it, How was I going be faithful to a God who hates me? I remember thinking that all the time.
I discovered many things. One: I would need to accept that these feelings are a part of me, and ultimately there is nothing I can do. It is gonna be something im gonna live with for the rest of my life. Two: God does not hate me for my attraction, ultimately it's something we as humans cannot control, and he knows that. Three: And probably the hardest thing for me, I'll have to give up ever pursuing a romantic relationship with women if I wanted to fully follow God. its something im grappling on even now—i have no defenitive answer for this.
Q: Do your parents know about your sexuality?
A: My parents don't know about my blog or my attraction. And I hope they never find out. If they did, there would likely be severe consequences, and I would be in danger. For the sake of my well-being, I have decided to keep these aspects of my life private from them.
Q: What is the main goal of your blog, and what do you hope to achieve with it
To be completely honest, the whole "being catholic and gay " part of the blog wasn't even the original plan for this lol, originally it was gonna be kinda like a prayer site where I'd post and rant about the stories of the saints since I LOVE learning about them. I randomly thought about the gay part while I was bored in AP physics class and decided to go from there.
To me this is just a journal. The only difference is that this journal is not only viewable to me but to the whole internet lol. Sometimes I wonder if this blog would ever serve a purpose to anyone, and sometimes I wonder if im doing more harm than good by documenting my thoughts here. Of course, im still trying to learn more about my faith, so this is kinda a learning experience for me as well.
Q: What do you think about the "SSA" term?
A: Don't get me started with this one. I have an iffy relationship with that term. I've used this label before on this blog, but to me It's like saying your gay but with extra steps. Whenever someone asked me questions in regards to my faith and sexuality I would simply answer that I—personally—do not date people of the same sex for religious reasons. The conversation tends to end there.
Q: Are Peter and R the same person?
A: Yes. I called him Peter here for privacy sake. The nickname was based after his Instagram username at the time. A couple years ago he did tell me to refer to him as R because his male friends called him Peter, but its not like hes gonna find this anyway.
Q: What do you think about theistic satanists? What would you do if your friend became one?
A: Obviously, I'd treat them the same way ive always had. Personally im not the one that hyperfixate on other people's beliefs and tend to be private about my own religion unless prompted. I dont have any opinion on theistic satanists because at the end of the day they are human beings worthy of love and respect.
Q: What type of satanist were you?
A: Diabolist