I haven't caught up on the new series that was released last year. I stopped around that episode where Pikachu sneezes for being called cute (that's all I remember about it LOL). I'm planning on getting caught up soon just give me until Summer break. But I love the characters so much! My favorite out of them is Dot, Dot is so me with all the tech stuff and social awkwardness. I didn't care about it until I saw a Twitter post and it was someone I follow there freaking out about Rika being on the show, Bro I started freaking out too! I love Rika!

Hmm, I kinda wanna buy the manga. I think the manga is probably my favorite thing in the entire franchise followed by the games and trading cards. As much as I enjoy the manga I never got the opportunity to buy a box set yet. But I do have a couple of games and a whole binder of Pokemon cards. I have Pokemon Diamond, Y, Legends Arceus, and Violet. I played the rest of the games by emulating them on my phone! Sure it overheats but hey if it works it works (the back of my phone pops off now)

OH I also have a lot of plushies, and I got them for really cheap! I was at a garage sale and I saw a Froakie inside a box, and then I saw a Dragonite, and then two Pikachus, and then I saw more Pokemon plushies in another box, it was a dream come true! And they were all for a dollar. There were about 20 plushies there and you bet I bought every single one! I like the Cyndaquill one A LOT, seriously I never let go of it when I'm in my room, he's always there with me. I named him Jared.

I also have like 4 of those viz magazine comics of it? Idk I bought them at a garage sale as well back in 2016, The dude who was selling them was still a fan of the series and was selling his old collection. He and I kinda went on a little rant about Pokemon. I still remember my very first Pokemon card, it was a Floete and I think I still have it. I'll post some pictures of it here later. Maybe I'll post my entire collection too!

All I want to do is sleep. I don't have the energy to be at school rn or post here. My chest hurts when I cough and I'm trying so hard not to close my eyes. The medicine isn't helping at all it's making my symptoms worse. So i might stop posting for a couple days until i get better.

Oh uh, I did go to my Confirmation Interview. I saw that dude I thought I used to like… uhh let's call him Ruben. He was already done with his interview by the time I got there. Meanwhile, I was huddled in the back trying not to cry. I hope God gives him abundant blessings

It took me an hour to be called up, I was scared. But it was relatively nice. I told the Youth Leader about my parents, how I wanted them to go to Mass with me, how I felt lonely there, despite being surrounded by people, and how my mother didn't want to take me to confession.

Once I was done, He asked me if I had any questions. I explained to him my attraction to girls, how I found out and everything: my addiction, how touch-starved I am, and how im scared of my parents knowing about this part of me. He said that it was complicated to answer and that I gonna have to talk to the priest. But how am I supposed to get into contact with him when my parents won't take me to confession to at least ask?

Yesterday was okay. Until I went to mass. I started crying while the priest was presenting the Eucharist. I was embarrassed. Why was I crying? Why now and not at home in my room? But then I saw the kid next to me crying too, poor guy. The crying was so sudden tho, I dont know if it was something in the air or just my emotions flowing out all at once.

Yesterday wasn't eventful, I just spent the entire time at home. But hey at least I'm getting confirmed next week! I'm very excited about that… but ill miss my confirmation teacher

I had a cough for about a week, it's gotten pretty bad now. When I cough I get a sharp pain around my ribcage and my mom took me to the doctor. However Miss Girl wanted to go to the thrift first, we didn't even find anything instead of some cute pants.

When we did go to the doctor we were waiting out in front for like an hour, My mom was on Temu showing me the stuff that was recommended to her, a lot of pans, kitchen supplies, dresses, to be honeslty was more focused on the pretty women that were wearing them rather than the dresses-

When we did get assisted we waited for another hour for the doctor to show up, my mom and I were almost sleeping in there until she said something about me. I dont even remember what we were talking about but at some point, I told her that I was touchstarved and that I craved physical touch.

Immediately she said something about how she didn't get any affection from her parents, and that I'm just complaining over the smallest things. She then said that I had the mind of a five-year-old and that I should get a job because getting a job would fix all of my problems. How lovely!

After that doctor's appointment we went home, I was in my room cleaning. Once I was gone I lay down on my bed and hugged my large Pikachu plushie. I think I have about, 5 Pikachu plushies. I have like 10 other Pokemon plushies and they are all on my bed. I love cuddling with my plushies! I know it's a bit childish but it brings me so much comfort pretending that the plushie I'm holding is an actual human being.

But nothing will ever replace the warmth of another human being. Nothing will ever replace the way someon eholds you, the way they play with your hair. So I fix this by folding my blankets and staking them on top of me while I sleep. It helps ease the irritation I feel when I dont get a hug from my mommy

Uhh besides that, But i am getting a job in the summer, at a Whataburger. Its not like i have any options here, All we have in this city is a Sonic thats infested with rats and a grocery store thats filled with a bunch of old guys. im considering geting a job at my nearest Dollar Tree, i have friends who already work there, but my mom doesnt want me to work there because they scare her.

Dennys is very good

I like going there, I like the pancakes and the sweets they have on the menu! My mommy, brothers, and I went on Saturday! I love going with them, and I love talking to them while we wait for the food. Nothing weird happened while we ate at a restaurant, but it was different this time. There were like 4 police officers interrogating some old man! And everyone was quiet or looking, trying to figure out what happened! And to be honest I was doing the same! Like, let me know the tea!?

Yeah, never figured out what the old man did to get interrogated like that, but inside a Dennys? That's the last thing I expect to see at 10 am on a Saturday while I'm trying to eat my pancakes! My mom kept showing me the dresses she had on her Amazon cart, She kept showing me some white dresses on there because I needed to buy a confirmation dress, or they wouldn't confirm me

ALSO, apparently the youth group leaders need to interview us!? I dont even know what I'm supposed to say, I'm cooked! The only thing I remember are the 10 commandments!? But hey they're gonna ask us why we want to get confirmed, I already know how I'm going to answer that, and that's by telling them my entire life story! Nah but fr, I have to pass that interview because if I dont I'm not getting confirmed, and I spent like 2 years of my life getting prepared for it.

I dont like attending events at my old primary school…

I feel uneasy when I enter that place, I don't have any good memories in there. The teachers would be downright abusive. Except her, my 1st grade teacher. My younger self expected her to scold me, call me worthless, or something along those lines, but instead, she was kind, and tender, unlike my Kindergarten teacher

My kindergarten teacher, her name was Mrs. Terran. She seemed nice when I first saw her, I complimented her the first time I saw her, she was a beautiful woman. I was excited to start Kindergarten, little did I know how terrible things would go. In the first days, she was kind, very kind, maybe a bit too kind. A week in, and that's where it started, the mental and physical abuse that lasted for the entire time.

She threatened us, stating that if we ever told anyone about the abuse she would stab us all. My classmates and I never said anything about it and kept our mouths shut. The abuse would get worse, This psychopath of a teacher stabbed my friend in the hand, I will never forget that, that image is forever engraved in my mind. He still has a scar on his hand.

There was this boy she hated a lot, let's call him Al, he probably got the worst out of all of us, to be honest, he got hit, humiliated, everything you can think of! Poor guy, but he and I joke about the abuse a lot in my second-period class. We both agree that that teacher was the reason why our lives went downhill! I was just there, I didn't want to be abused like my peers, so I drew her some art and gave it to her every day, she was overjoyed! My plan was in motion, if I gave her some drawings, maybe ill be saved from the abuse, the funny thing is that it worked! At least for a while.

One day I was talking to some girl next to me, and we were talking about how insane this lady was! Well, she ended up overhearing our little conversation, and I was the one who ended up being punished! She made me sit in front of the class on this desk held my hands from behind my back, and squeezed very hard. To be honest it wasn't even that bad, it just tickled, she didn't like that so she kept pressing harder until I squirmed from the pain. From that day on she kept beating me with that weird pointer thing teachers had back then, I'd beg her not to beat me, but that just made her even angrier.

For that whole year she called me worthless, claiming that I would never achieve anything in my life and that I was destined to be a failure. To her, I was nothing but a worthless thing. I didn't dare say anything to her again and endured the beatings for the rest of the year.

I think I'm still scarred over that damn woman, because when a teacher seems to grab something I flinch, or I expect them to say bad things about me when I dont do something right. I'm trying to heal from everything I've been through, it's gonna take a while, but I know that in the end, it will all be worth it.

Wait, but then I'm just doubting this conclusion. Am I a lesbian? Or am I just bisexual with a higher attraction towards women? Looking back when I was younger... I remember being friends with this neighbor. Oh boy, I always keep hugging her. When she wore dresses I would just look at her in awe. It was worse when she was in a swimsuit. I just thought she was so pretty…

And then that one guy i was “dating” in 2nd grade. Cant even consider it dating since i didnt even feel anything for that man. Then he broke up with me by handing me a letter stating “I dont love you anymore i have a new girlfriend.” AND THEN MY MOM TOOK ME OUT OF SCHOOL AND ASKED ME ABOUT IT BECAUSE SHE FOUND THE LETTER IN THE ROOM I USED TO SHARE WITH MY BROTHER LOOOL. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT STUPID EPISODE WHERE ASH WAS CROSSDRESSING. WHAT WAS I ON!?

Oh! Freshman year. I fell in love with this girl. Let's call her- Paper! Paper and I first met in 7th grade. She helped me in the highs and lows. Especially when COVID started. I remember making jokes a year before saying “Imagine a virus comes lol”. Yeah never heard the end of that-

In my freshman year in high school, I realized that I loved her. A LOT more than that girl in 4th grade. Each time I saw her I kind of shaked and couldn't even look at her. I held her hand and that helped me relax, She brushed her thumb against my hand, which made me blush so much. I wanted to date her, I even had a Valentine's Day card ready for her and a cute, small, red heart. But I had this feeling I couldn't describe, I wanted to be with her. I wanted to marry her and everything, Something just felt- off. I liked her for the rest of that year but distanced myself from her.

You know, I thought I liked this one guy? I dont even remember his name but it was straight from the bible that's for sure. (I used to sit next to him freshman year, but never really talked to him besides giving him my spare snacks when I was full) I thought I liked him, turns out I just liked his hair 😭. It was curly, afro-like hair, and it looked good on him know!? Well yeah, I wanted to compliment him But I never got the courage to since back then I was repulsed by guys, except the gay dudes- plus he always looked annoyed and I didn't really wanna bother him…

But he seemed like a chill guy, a little bit racist but sure. I only ever texted him because I NEVER had any classes with him. Tried waving at him but bro just ignored me. I decided that it was a waste of time and stopped texting him.

To be honest i do not remember most of my dreams, sometimes i dont dream at all. I just close my eyes and dirift to sleep until i hear that dreaded alarm, 12 Years later and its still waking me up. Im surprised it hasnt stopped working because that thing went through a lot.

When i do dream, its either the most depressing, most beautiful, or weirdest things. For example, sometimes i have dreams where my teeth fall out, i dont know why but it feels as if my own teeth are no longer in my mouth, my teeth hurt and/or feel as if they are being pulled out. Its horrific.

But sometimes these dreams are soothing, like that one dream that i posted on here a month ago or so, the one where i was cuddling with a cute girl. These dreams would've been so comforting if it werent for the sleep paralysis i experience from them. Seriously, this is why i sleep under the bed sheets, im scared of seeing those demons pepole keep talking about online. Noo sir

There was this dream i had last night, a comforting one. In this dream, i was drinking coffee with a cute girl, she had long, dark hair and beautiful brown eyes. Her skin was clean, not a single mark, and she was taller than me... We were sitting side by side, outside on a porch. We spent a couple minutes in silence, absorbing the beautiful scenery around us, thats when she suddenly wrapper her arms around me. I was confused, why is she doing this? then i felt her warm breath blow on my cheek. "i love you," she whispered. Then, she gave me a kiss on the cheek. I closed my eyes and sighed in relief, and then i wrapped my own arms aroung her as well. I felt her soft fingers playing with my hair, it was heavenly.

If it wasnt obvious enough, I am a very touch-starved personbAnd it is, not the "Oh im so touch-starved my bestie hasn't hugged me" kinda touch-starved, like when I dont receive physical affection I get moody and stuff and might get more stressed than usual.

When someone hugs me, I want that hug to last as long as possible. I dont know why, but there's just something about the touch of another human being that makes me relax and feel loved. I like the way it feels, it's warm and fuzzy, and my heart rate accelerates at the slight touch. Just a simple tap on the shoulder is enough to make my day.

I remember this one girl, I think it was 4th grade? She was an affectionate person, and I mean affectionate (the one that invades personal boundaries, she would chase around everyone in the playground to hug them, it was a sight to see). I remember when I became friends with her, she was playing with those brown rice-looking things that are in playgrounds and she was in my spot! I remember having a little argument with her, but we eventually came to a compromise. Slowly, we became best friends

She'd hug me a lot, and I pretended to hate it, but deep down I loved it. I just wanted her to hold me forever and ever. I remember my classmates teasing me about her, and by teasing I mean calling me homophobic slurs because they thought we were dating. I denied it, I didn't have a crush on her!?? How dare they assume such things. But slowly it became a reality. She was the first person I fell in love with, but then she started to tease me too, calling me the most degrading things, it hurt.

well, i lost my id. i dont even know where it is, but its somewhere in my room, the issue is that its an absolute mess rn because of the thousands and thousands of water bottles in my room (theres only like 3). I couldnt find it and had to go through my entire room just to look for it. Nothing. I tried to find my spare id and it wasnt even there eighter. great, im cooked.

Thats when one of my friends-friend said they had a spare id. Well, here i am now with an ID that doesnt even belong to me. Elari who? Elari does not exist anymore, she is gone for today! Lets just hope that none of the teachers catch me because if they do im cooked. Straight to ISS.

I remember when they gave out paper ID's man, that was such a slay but then they got rid of them and that was not a slay. Most of the rules they have are a bit too much. No ID? you can starve! They have literal signs saying no food if you dont have an ID, AND EVEN IF SOMEONE DOESNT HAVE AN ID THE STUDENT CAN JUST SAY THEIR ID NUMBER, BUT SUDDENLY THEY CANT? maaaaan.

Today was SAT testing! Oh boy! i cant wait to take something thst i was Forced to do just because? im not in any of those weird electives that require me to take it, YET i was made to. its infuriating

The lady said i had to take it because of some law? okay girl, show me that law then. I want you to pull out an entire law book and show me where it says im supposed to take it. I told my mom about it and how that stupid thing was stressing me out for the past 3 months, but she just said the same thing. to suck it up. I tried my best regardless, after all, im taking it for free! plus, this can be an eye opener to see what subjects i need to improve on to get a higher score, especialy the math sections. Im still PISSED about it tho.

A tornado passed by lol, luckily it didnt hit us

we were on the path of it tho, and there was a chance of hail, so everyone in my family tried to find a place to park their cars. it was crazy lol. I was helping my mom move her plants to a safer place until it suddenly started POURING. I was soaked, the dog was scared of the water lol, so he ran to the porch and just chilled there.

My dad came early, and he also helped park the cars to a safe place. My mom asked for my to help but i told her that i was going to go grab the keys. i grabbed them and opened the door, thats when i got hit with the a very strong wind. i ran back inside because no way im being out there. I couldve gotten blown away! Eventually everyone else got inside, except my dad. He always does this. Does this man not fear death!?

I wasnt scared until i got in my room, where i suddenly heard the floor move, and the walls felt as if they were getting hit by the wind. i ran to the middle of the home and waited until the winds ceased. But my dad was still outside. eventually he did get back inside like 20 minutes later.

Our city didnt get affected, thank the lord! however one of my friends did get hit by the tornado... i hope they're okay :C

The dream girl is gonna make me relapse.

It's been 4 months since I've quit watching porn. Needless to say, I feel much better ever since I quit watching that vile poison. It had me in a chokehold for over 8 years and took me half of that time to stop watching that stuff. there was a time when I stopped watching it for a month, it was going well until one of my friends killed themselves

I talked to one of my friends about it and they just looked at me, telling me why it's such a big deal!? im sorry, did I not just mention that I was DEALING WITH AN ADDICTION!? There is no way im watching that stuff ever again after all the mental turmoil it made me go through.

im glad that I got the confirmation teacher that I got. because she was very vocal about the things in our society: especially porn addiction. It made me realize that something needed to be done if I wanted to improve myself for my own sake and my loved ones

I should thank her for talking about it, because if I got any other teacher I probably would have still been addicted to porn, and to be honest this blog wouldn't even exist if it weren't for her

I remember the day I told myself "I've had enough, NEW YEAR NEW ME." It was on my birthday, I opened a present and it was a cross. when I got to my room I looked at myself wearing that cross and then looked at the rosary on my nightstand. by this time I've only prayed the rosary a couple of nights, but not 4 times EVERY DAY. I decided to pray it and in a whisper, I said "Mother Mary, help me"

Let me tell you, that night felt like a La Rosa de Guadalupe episode, but without mysterious wind

I slowly started to make this into a daily routine, leading me to where I am today. now praying all decades of the rosary every single day. after a month or so, I stopped watching porn completely, I had no urges. I was set free

I was planning on asking my mom to go to confession during that time. but then I discovered that there was going to be a retreat. how wonderful. but then I discovered that they were offering confession the day before, you bet I was one of the first ones in line (I was shaking and kept going to the end of the line)

I still remember what the priest told me when I was done confessing my sins: "God is a loving and merciful God, but he is also slow to anger"