Sometimes when I stare at a wall during class I think about random things. The biology teacher's fishes and how one died (RIP Jarvis), maybe some random guy's outfit, and overly analyze it before giving it less than a 6 out of 10. But there's this dream I had that I think about sometimes. So I'm gonna share it here.

So this was like in May? I was in a rough spot, yk realizing that I was gaslighted for 2 years by someone who I considered a friend, finals, being hated by an entire friend group, and family problems. Ect. Boy was I drained mentally, I just wanted to give up, just throw all of my school supplies aside and just give up on everything, but despite this desire, I kept going since I had one week left for summer break

I was lying in bed, praying my rosary. For me, this is how I prefer to pray, but since I find my bed very comfortable I also tend to feel sleepy most of the time, so I would sit, and continue praying. And then lay down when I felt like it. Sit, lay down, sit, lay down.

Well on this particular day the bed was just too comfortable for me to move, but I continued praying either way. My eyes felt so heavy, so I closed my eyes as I recited the rosary, and then somewhere there I fell asleep.

So in the dream, it was very bright, but I could see that I was on a hill under a tree, sitting on a bench..or at least it felt like it, felt like I was on the ground. I absorbed my surroundings, there were white and red flowers along with beautiful red roses. I dont know why, but it felt as if I was there in person. Idk kinda like a lucid dream thing.

It took me a while to process that I was having my hair played with. Just like how my mom does to me every so often. I didn't even mind, I just closed my eyes and savored it. The dream felt long, it was quiet for most of the time. Until I heard a voice

"Everything's going to be okay"

It was so comforting, those words

"I'll always be here for you, i will never abandon you," It went something along those lines.

I felt so comforted, I opened my eyes to figure out the source of the voice. I then turned to see who was playing with my hair the entire time. I was shocked when I realized that it was Mary. I didn't even dare to utter a single thing, I just looked in awe. She seemed to be taller than me, had long black hair, and was wearing a blue cloak and what seemed to be a white dress. I was stunned, unable to form any words. Then, I held onto her like my life depended on it and sobbed. The rest of the dream was spent crying in her arms.

I woke up and realized they I had my rosary in my hand. At first, I felt bad since I fell asleep while praying. But when I remembered the dream. It seemed to bring me some comfort. I laid in bed as I reminisced on it, wondering if it was something my mind conjured up or probably something more

And then I heard my bedroom door opening. My mom screamed at me wondering why I wasn't going to the kitchen and asked me what I was doing. I said nothing and went to the kitchen to fulfill my duties.

My third week of school y’all. I think im cooked for this year.

So, 7th period. It's mid. Seriously, these dudes next to me are just fooling around while im trying to do my work. It bothered me I was so close to asking the teacher if I could go outside and do my work in the hallway cuz at least it is much quieter there.

Oh they're making us do this weird mindset thing to make us better people? Girl I dont even think most of the people here wanna change, but who knows maybe this will make an everlasting impact on someone. And it's something that requires us to interact with people, and I dont like interacting with others, especially after what happened near the end of the school year. Im just gonna lay low, and hope someone doesn't try to talk to me, if someone does im gonna slither away like a snake (love my besties tho)

There's this meeting I have to go to later, man I dont wanna go, I wanna be in my room thinking of that one plush I wanna make. Maybe a friend of mine will go for me instead and give me a summary of it. Imagine someone that lives like 30 minutes away coming for the meeting and then it lasts like 15 minutes, girl id cry honestly. But I think it is about our prom or something, which is kinda something im looking forward to.

I had a major headache today in class, wasn't getting any better because Peter was just running his mouth. There he was just mumbling about something to his friends while I was tryna do my work. I dont have feelings for anyone anymore (if I ever had any, those were very confusing times) and it feels weird now considering that this has gone on for almost 3 years. But I can't wrap my head around one thing. How did some BOY I was sitting next to during lunch in freshman year change me so much? Like if I never sat next to that guy I would not be Catholic, to be honest, I'd be six feet under. God was cooking and he was cooking me in the process

Yesterday was my second say of school, it was waay better than the first day. I got to go to my third and fourth period classes, which is Graphic Design II. Yknow im kinda pissed that i have that class for 2 hours! I wanted to take forensics! But apparently im supposed to take it because “the Texas government needs me to” or whatever, girl!?

Its not like im gonna become a graphic designer anytime in the future, i dont even see myself doing an artistic career despite people telling me that i should due to my drawing skills. I like to draw i really do, but art is something that id rather do on the side for extra money, not as a full time career.

So there I was in the corner of the computer lab with my bestie. Not even our first time stepping foot in here and we already have an assignment, but it isnt a complicated one. Its just a silly moodboard we do consisting of the images that we like/find, SO i was minding my business, doing my work, locking in on this assignment basically. Thats when i felt something looking at me, so I turned my head and looked at the empty space of the computer lab.

And there was a mouse, at first i was like “aww its so cute” until i remembered that i was at school and realized that there shouldnt be one here. At first i thought i was hallucinating, was that really a mouse? Was there one to begin with? Have the all nighters i did during the break finally catch up to me? I thought i was insane until i saw that small mouse run back to its corner. Yep, it was real. I told the teacher about the mouse and apparently it lives here, thats nice and all but i do not want a mouse to stare at me while im doing my work. Turns out most of the schools in my district are infested by rats and mice! How disguisting!

So yeah im never sitting on the floor in that class thats for sure…

Oh sad news, my rosary broke yesterday when I was at school :c. I didnt even realize that a part of it was missing until this morning, and i dont even think have the right beads to fix it. Maybe i can make into into like, a chain or some sort or something, but im gonna try finding some extra beads for my rosary,

First day of school guys, and itll be my last one, yippeeeee...

Not even the first day and it's already awful, I had to stay in the same classroom for 4 entire hours. I was tired of sitting on those uncomfortable chairs it was driving me CRAZY. I had the urge to go to the restroom as well but they didn't even let me out because APPARENTLY it was a new rule or whatever. Then, I went to Ap Art, and once again this woman was in the restroom. She always goes now that I think about it, I hope she's okay... But yeah apparently I have 11 projects for that class, so that's fun. All we did was review the class syllabus and look at examples of some portfolios.

Oh no...

And then lunch, oh man. It was ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS. There were SO many dudes all the girls in that lunchroom were easily outnumbered. I am not kidding when I say this, I COULD SMELL THE SWEAT OOZING FROM THESE DUDES MAN, IF YOUR A GUY, OR ANYONE, PLEASE FOR ALL THAT IS HOLY WEAR SOME DEODORANT, NO ONE WANTS TO SMELL YOU.AND PLEASE TAKE A SHOWER GUYS it makes you clean.

Then I had to get squished in the hallways to reach my next class , Biology Dual Credit, it was nice and comfy in there, there's a fish tank in there and they're so cute!!! So small too! Then we had to write any questions we had about the class, and then we did nothing but stare at the wall since there's no phone allowed in the classrooms even 😔.

And then we have the next class, Financial math, oh boy I don't even know what it's about, but I think it's about managing finances using math or something idk... but yeah I was zoning out most of the time because I was trying to ignore the fact that Peter was there... When I heard his voice my entire body froze and I couldn't move. When that class was over I ran towards the door to be the first one out of there.

Then , I had my last class, entrepreneurship. I have the camera teacher from last year for that class, but it was quiet and we just chilled for the last few minutes. And then school ended.

Not much of an eventful day, but I think I'm starting to feel sad. I didn't early enjoy my last school years partially due to me going through a lot of mental turmoil, but this year I see a bit of hope. I made a promise to myself; to enjoy this senior year.