It's been 2 years since I began this damn thing. I look back at my old posts from time to time when I'm down. Despite most of the posts being slightly cringey, I could feel the joy through the first couple of posts. I cannot read the posts after May 2024 to April 2025. It's physically impossible without me convulsing in pure rage.

Yk, I dont mind people calling me schizophrenic. Infact, I've been called that my whole life because I was too open about certain things. Even I've question my own sanity, every minute and hour as long as I could remember. Why am I mentioning this? The truth is that I've experienced very weird stuff since I was 5. I have a journal which shows the very first time I've ever documented these things. Ive shown it to some friends and even my so called "spiritual director" who later abandoned me out of nowhere mid 2024. These things happened rarely, I will not publicly talk about it for obvious reasons but there is one that has been lingering on my mind since May.

On the night before graduation I felt something play with my hair, so instinctively I opened my eyes. I saw a woman. At first I thought it was my mom but in her arms was a baby. In that instant, I knew who this woman was as it was obvious with the light that seemed to radiate from her. I couldn't even believe what was infront of me, I started thinking "damn, I really need a psychologist." I just looked at her intently and that's when she hugged me and told me how proud she was thats I made it this far.

I asked her if they would read the letters and she said yes, then I asked her if they will feel atleast a bit of regret, she said no. I cried, but she promised me that I would talk to R atleast once, before she mentioned something so horrible. I found comfort but later realized the second portion of what was said and started crying even more. She promised that she would look over him before said thing happened and then gave me a kiss on the cheek.

I woke up, I couldn't remember how I ended up back asleep, but when I opened my eyes and touched my face I felt the dry tears of that night. I spent the whole day wonder if it was my mom, so I asked her. She denied ever going to my room, she was scared of the absurd claims I was making about the woman. Might I add, it was an out of body experience. I saw myself on the bed sleeping and for a second I was euphoric because I thought I died.

But thats besides the point. Ive felt compelled to start writing here again. Its been nagging at me for the past couple of months despite my spiritual "affliction." Sadly due to the situation that unfolded a couple months ago I had to get in contact with a exorcist. So yeah, that was fun... id rather not get into detail about that. Something about that experience really affected me. Infact, everything has. Ever since I was little, it seemed that people had high regard towards me, even calling me a "saint."

And honestly? Everyone failed me. People at the local parish kept pressuring me when at my lowest so I could "become a saint" while others just said that it wasn't as deep as it was. Everyone around me dismissed the obvious warning signs of my deteriorating mental health. I just wanted help. I dont care about being a canonized saint, I just wanted to help people like me with the time I have left.

I have nothing more to add to this post. Thank you for everyone who stayed around for my weirdness for the past 2 years. Hopefully one day I'll expand this little blog into something more, but for now its just my silly little den where I write. Also! If youre reading this you're probably wondering what happened with my other posts. Don't fret! Im just reorganizing a bit. They'll be up shortly (in a week).