Everyday I wonder why he intervened when i was about to end my shit all those years ago and not for a child caught in a war, all when knowing that i would end up like this.

Its been more than a year since I wrote something addressed to you. You might not even glance at this, but im aware that those snakes will be eager enough to show you.

Lord forbid I get one thing right through a dream, you have the nerve to act uncomfortable and tired about it. Nah im kidding. In a way, Im annoyed too that I get these premonitions but this is a once in a lifetime experience, so sadly I won't be stopping anytime soon until it happens, if it even does. So, have fun with me saying stuff that i shouldnt know.

But you can't hide it forever from . You have the privilege hide this in the confinement of your mind, or brushing it off as a mere coincidence. But you are very aware of its implications. I was aware of it since I was conscious, and I begged to take his place when I had that dream, but its futile. Its like we were all doomed the moment eve ate the forbidden fruit.

You know this already but when I had that dream i made many promises. My five year old self promised to help those in need and to work towards becoming a if it ever happens. Its a lot especially for a child that barely lived. Its impossible for me to comprehend that possibility now that I'm a satanist.

If thats what it takes for you to change then so be it, because deep down I know how this will end even if I bury it deep within my putrid heart. But do tell, what does 11001 mean? I know that you know.

genuinely what is my life.

As I heal, it helps me reflect more on the things I've tried to ignore. Maybe thats why my younger self wrote this, and somehow it's the only thing left of my writings from my early years, and its the one that inspired the rest. I feel conflicted sharing this, but it helps me accept that what will happen next is inevitable.

Here is what really inspired the blog