I went to church today to rehearse for tomorrow

Tomorrow I finally get confirmed in the Catholic Church! I'm so excited! 2 years of Sunday school have finally ended, leading up to this day! I am happy but also kinda sad, I'm gonna miss my confirmation teacher.

We spent like, an hour and a half rehearsing, I thought it was just gonna be like 30 minutes, but we all went up and performed a mock ceremony yk. For practice. I was almost asleep by then, we learned what we were supposed to say to the bishop and stuff-

After tomorrow I probably won't be able to go to church for a while. I don’t even know how to drive and these classes were the only way for me to go. My dad said he might start teaching me during the summer tho. I hope he keeps his promise, unlike last time.

So much has changed in these 2 years, I lost friends but gained new ones. I’ve lost so many loved ones. I fell in love, been heartbroken, backstabbed. But so much good has come from it, I learned to love myself, to value my life, and to not hate myself for something that I cannot control.

Anyways, I'm getting very sleepy- its almost 12 AM 😭

Now you are avoiding me? If you wanted to be with him that badly you could've just said so girl, I value a ‘friendship’ more than some guy. I thought that me and her were besties but it seems that she was probably close to me just to see if I was making any progress with him. That's what hurts.

Why was she so passive-aggressive? I'd always wondered about that. But now I understand, I guess she liked him as well. And there I was talking about him talking about how pretty I thought he was, especially his hair.

I never had the guts to talk to him. I'd always text him. All the time. I'd talk to her about it. She’d tell me to give up. I'd ask her “Why?”, She avoided the answer and replied, “Just don't.” Huh? That just made me wanna talk to him even more, to be honest. This happened for about 2 years

I didn't like that she was kinda forceful about it. Sometimes I'd tell her how I thought I was annoying that guy, and she'd tell me that: “you are '' and at times she'd say things like “You should just give up” and “You’d never have a chance with the guy”. Huh? They’d never answer why they'd say it, they just avoided answering my question without fail.

There’s nothing I can do now, she got what she wanted, but at the expense of what? A friendship? Was it even one to begin with? I feel so hurt.

I feel so hurt. That was so selfish, You said that stuff to me just because you liked him if you liked him you could've just said so, but no, you had to be weird about it. If you just said “Hey I liked him” I would have backed off because I VALUE A FRIENDSHIP MORE THAN SOME MAN.

I dont even know what to think anymore. I trusted you!?

It took me this long to realize why you were so harsh. Girl Why? i thought we were friends :(

I have no medicine, and yes. I am still in pain. I think it's more than just a cold am I cooked!? I hope it's not anything serious I wanna live

I’m still tired. I did NOT want to get up. But I still gotta go to school regardless… if I keep missing days I might go to court 😭. But hey school is almost over! I hope this stupid sickness goes away man my confirmation is this week! Like- I'm excited but at the same time kind of sad because I'm not going to see my confirmation teacher after this :c Also, my parents said I won't be able to go to church anymore, they seem pretty excited about it but I'm not. Like girls were just getting started.

Also finals are this week for some reason. I dont even know what to think anymore why are they 2 weeks before we leave and not the week we do? I remember when they made our final exams due on the WEEK school was over. These teachers gave us the exams on the LAST DAY just so we wouldn't leave early- Yikes,,,

But hey we are getting closer to senior year- yay. Im taking like 5 college classes so I have no idea how that's gonna go. But im taking art finally :D! Not taking an Art class this year was probably a huge reason why I ended up so stressed this year. I didn't give myself time to breathe during the school day…I’m gonna be applying for a job once I get better. Let's hope my anger issues dont come ou. Im just roaming around the halls, feeling drained- and then I look up

Suddenly the pain in my chest became unbearable–not a pain of the sickness, but one of heartbreak