My name is Elari!

I am a 17-year-old Mexican-American girl who was raised in a catholic household by my parents for my entire life. However, I was never a practicing catholic until very recently due to me leaving the faith at a young age due to my sexuality.

Between the ages of 7-9, I realized I was attracted to girls. I would always fawn over the beautiful women I would see in ads, TV shows, and comics, but back then I thought it was out of admiration, now I realize that it was a romantic attraction. Due to this discovery at such a young age, I saw myself as less than other Catholics, believing that I was destined to go to hell for this attraction. I would spend days begging god to take away this attraction. Spoilers: it didn’t work.

It wasn't until 2022 that I started to believe in God again due to many personal, and mental factors. It's been hard navigating my faith and sexuality by myself since doing so can be risky.

My parents have stated their disdain towards gay people and stated multiple times that if I ever turned out like that they would kick me out, or worse. My mother would also be in danger if this was ever revealed to them, as my father has stated: "If any of my kids come out as gay, it'll be your fault, and you will pay for it"

As a result, I started this blog to document my thoughts and my process of being closer to God while also trying to not be kicked out in the process, and trying to live by the teachings of the Church.

Following warnings for this blog:

• ENGLISH isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes in my grammar
• sensitive content: addiction, mommy/daddy issues, abuse.
• a lot of rants, especially ones about my interests (and school, there's gonna be A LOT of them)

I hope whoever is reading this has a wonderful day! Have a cupcake! 🧁

As stated before, I like to learn about a variety of different subjects, but I think my main subjects are History and Physics (math isn't my cup of tea.) I'm obsessed with Pokemon, I have a lot of plushies, and have been collecting anything Pokemon-related for my entire life! I also love to collect old technology, such as radios, cassettes, and CDs. I also love collecting pretty things, like statues and dolls.

YASSSSSS, decided to change the colors here because when I update my blog I get blinded by how white it is. so it's gonna be like this for now until I get bored of it