The Den of Elari


if it wasnt obvious enough, i am a very touch starved person

and its not the "ohh im so touchstarved my bestie hasnt hugged me" kinda touch starved, like when i dont receive physical affection i get moody and stuff and might get more stressed than usual.

When someone hugs me, i want that hug to last as long as possible. I dont know why, but theres just something about the touch of another human being that makes me relax and feel loved. I like the way it feels, its warm, fuzzy, and my heart rate accelerates by the slighted touch. Just a simple tap on the shoulder is enough to make my day.

What i like most are headpats, seriously. When my parents give me a gentle head pats i close my eyes. Its even worse when they play with my hair, at that point i just melt. I wish was able to receive atleast some form of physical affection, like- someone holding my hand or, a peck on the cheek.

I remember this one girl, i think it was 4th grade? She was a really affectionate person, and i mean really, really affectionate (the one that invades personal boundaries, she would chase around everyone in the playground to hug them, it was a sight to see). I remember when i became friends with her, she was playing with those brown rice looking things that are in playgrounds and she was in my spot! I remember having a little argument with her, but we eventualy came to a compromise. Slowly, we became best friends

She'd hug me a lot, and i pretended to hate it, but deep down i loved it. I just wanted her to hold me forver and ever. I remember my classmates teasing me about her, and by teasing i mean calling me homophobic slurs because they thought we were dating. I denied it, i didnt have a crush on her!?? How dare they assume such things. But slowly it became a reality. She was the first person i fell in love with, but then she started to tease me too, calling me the most degrading things, it hurt.

Anyways, I think im gonna ask my mom for a hug when i get home, because i kinda need one now more than ever