The Den of Elari

First Post!

This has been something that I've wanted to do for a while, it's just that I felt conflicted. With this, I'll be showing the world my most private thoughts, feelings, and struggles. But, with this, I am finally able to express myself.

Ever since I was young I always knew that there was something "strange" about me. I was taught that girls could only like boys and that boys could only like girls. If that was true? Then why am I feeling this way?Why is the girl on the tv screen so beautiful? And, why do i want to kiss her? And the man on the screen? Why do i feel like this?

>As a little child, I have always had a devotion to God. I would beg my mom to buy books about the biblical stories because I wanted to learn more about God, and the world he created. This was around the time when my fascination for science was born. How could something like this not be created by a higher being? I remember thinking. But As I grew older I started to resent God. I remember cursing him. Why did you make me like this? Or was it bad luck that i was chosen by YOU to be like this?

My parents are open about what they think about gay people. If they ever find out that im attracted to men and women they would probably kick me out! My mom always tells me that bisexual people are 'crazy' Anytime the topic of LGBTQ gets mentioned at dinner. She even asks me if im gay! And i always answer her the same way! No mom, i am not gay!

At that point i felt even more isolated! I couldnt even tell my parents about these feelings with the fear of being kicked out! My dads even more homophobic than her! Who knows what he might do! Even worse! What if they find this blog one day!? I was kind of scared that something like that would happen, but I feel that by posting about my experiences as a bisexual catholic can help someone who is struggling with the same things I am.