The Den of Elari

Im so tired bro

I am still sick

All I want to do is sleep. I don't have the energy to be at school rn or post here. My chest hurts when I cough and I'm trying so hard not to close my eyes. The medicine isn't helping at all it's making my symptoms worse. So i might stop posting for a couple days until i get better.

Oh uh, I did go to my Confirmation Interview. I saw that dude I thought I used to like… uhh let's call him Peter. He was already done with his interview by the time I got there. Didn’t talk to him because I was huddled in the back. I hope God gives him abundant blessings…

It took me an hour to be called up, I was scared. But it was relatively nice. I told the Youth Leader about my parents, how I wanted them to go to Mass with me, how I felt lonely there, despite being surrounded by people, and how my mother didn't want to take me to confession.

Once I was done, He asked me if I had any questions. I explained to him my attraction to girls, how I found out and everything: my addiction, how touch starved I am, and how im scared of my parents knowing about this part of me. He said that it was complicated to answer and that I gonna have to talk to the priest. But how am I supposed to get into contact with him when my parents won't take me to confession to at least ask?

Yesterday was okay. Until I went to mass. I started crying while the priest was presenting the Eucharist. I was embarrassed. Why was I crying? Why now and not at home in my room? But then I saw the kid next to me crying too, poor guy. The crying was so sudden tho, I dont know if it was something in the air or just my emotions flowing out all at once.

Yesterday wasn't eventful, I just spent the entire time at home. But hey at least I'm getting confirmed next week! I'm very excited about that… but ill miss my confirmation teacher