It's been hard getting up from bed.

I've been demotivated to do anything. It feels like I'm at my lowest now. But I did get some time to get out last week.

Yk, I do wanna post here sometimes.. It's just that everything I do now seems like a chore. I just wanna lay down and sleep. It's like everything I do now doesn't bring the same joy.

I'm still upset over something. It took me so long to realize that I was being gaslighted by someone whom I considered a friend. Over a guy. Girl would just say shit like "you should give up" "he isn't all that" OH BUT NOW SHE'S HOLDING HIS HAND. OKAY JAQUELINE... Like if she liked the guy she could've just said so like omg. apparently she wanted him too I was just competition. A competition I never even knew was in!?!?! HELLO!? this is too much, I will make a separate post about this because there's SO MUCH.

Yeah, now I'm here thinking. Were we ever friends. Was I just something for her to snuff out and degrade over an innocent crush on some guy. Now I feel like something was wrong for ever liking the guy for the past uhh. 4 years.

Oh, I've been neglecting prayer a lot. Last time I prayed was weeks ago at this point. I'm making rosaries. I mean I still do some like, short prayers but that's just like. Saying thanks and stuff. Not praying any rosaries and chaplets.

Damn this girl screwed me over. And so did the guy in a sort of poetic way. My feelings for him just won't go away. I don't wanna feel this way towards him. I'd rather kill myself than feel this way. Kinda ironic because this guy actually changed me for the better, and for the worst