My parents keep telling me to go receive the eucharist. I refuse, many times I've told them that I would go once I confess my sins. I'm in a state of mortal sin, which means that I'm not allowed to receive it until I go and confess it. If I were to receive the body of Christ in this state, I would commit a grave sin.

I made a promise to God that I would not receive it until I went to confession, but honestly, it's hard since there's so much pressure for me to take it. When I didn't take it during my confirmation, I got scolded, but it felt wrong to do so knowing that I would willingly receive the eucharist knowing I committed a mortal sin.

Many times have I tried explaining to them that I wouldn't take it, but instead of listening, the more pushy they became. At times they even go on a rant about how the church just makes up rules out of thin air and that one day they will receive it despite church teaching. Not much I can do about it, all I can do is pray for them.

For the past few days I've started to pray more frequently, and I have decorated the altar in my closet more. I have to use an LED candle to light up the closet because the lights flicker so much it starts to irritate my eyes. I have yet to tell my parents about those lights. I kid you not it's so dark in there I can't even see myself picking my own clothes.