To you, a stranger
Oct 6, 2025 7:54 P.M.
April 22nd, 2024:
I was in the office, waiting for the Vice Principal to call me to her office. I was a nervous wreck, unable to type as I worked vigorously on my blog hoping that it would ease a bit of the tension. I messaged my confirmation teacher for comfort, asking if she would pray for me. Thats when I got called into the room. I saw that white lady, Mrs. Gonzales, Rodriguez, the police officer and most importantly—my mother.
They looked at me intently as they played what I said the night prior. I cried so much as they asked me what I meant by the psychosis and the scratches that I claimed were around my body for unknown reasons. I showed them the scar that was still visible on my left calf. Thats when there seemed to be a shift in the atmosphere. I told them about how I felt about God, and that was part of my distress. Instead of comfort, Gonzales looked at me and stated this:
"You went through all that because God was mad at you for not forgiving Jackie"
I was just dumbfounded. I turned to look at my mother and the police officer. They all agreed that my 6 month long psychosis was not a result of what Jackie had done to me, but a punishment from God. They just told me to move on. No comfort whatsoever. At home it wasn't any better. My mother now knew about my past in the occult. She forced me to read the bible as I cried, screaming at her, begging her to stop because she was making things worse for me. But she didnt listen at all. From that day on, I never looked at her fondly. I refuse to even call her "mommy," and any mention of God distressed me.
Now, I dont even know if I can even call myself a catholic. I believe in God, but my view of him has been warped due to this. I no longer view him as a loving God who came to aid me when I was at my lowest, but as an angry God. A scary God, and told be honest? I feel bad for that. For many reasons infact! But some of those reasons cannot be stated online, but one thing I will promise is that one day I will speak about it. or if im brave enough, ill publish it.
Right now, I believe everything here should be a raw representation of how im currently doing. So here's what I've been up to:
Mom pressured me into going to university. Now im wondering if I should pursue computer science or something else entirely, I wanted a year off to think about it but she refused to take no for an answer.
I have no idea how any of this university stuff works. Im stressed. I am taking a math class on October 21st though. Thats because I didnt score high enough to get into CALCULUS. Screw you ALEKS!!!!
