I have mixed feelings about my father

I haven't seen him in an entire week. The last time i saw him was on Sunday, I'm still kinda sad about it, i was hoping that we would d=go to church as a family. I don't feel like im a part of this family anyways, i've always felt like an outcast.

I can't even remember any good moments with him, just the bad; the constant bickering, he acts like a child...His drunken nature, I hate it. He drinks, I don't like that...He always drinks, not as often as he used to all those years ago though. He would always drink, everyday. Spending thounsands of dollars on liquor for him to fnish in a single night. he never took us out, he would alway be drunk. When he came back from work, he would be drunk. When he was late from work, he would be drunk. When he became angry, he wold be drunk.

Years ago he was fonding for another woman, that was the day when I lost all respect for him. Of course, he was drunk, kept mumbling the name of a woman. That video, that stupid video of that woman dancing, my mom showed it to me. She would repeat it, over and over and over again. She refused to let me go to my room. Let me be woman, i just want to go and watch pokemon, not that filth.

When I see a bottle of wine, or anything with alchohol, I become repulsed. When I see my father drunk, I go to my room. When he gets angry, i avoid him. and my mom tells me not to worry? If he ever found out about my SSA, it would be over for you and I, mother.