🥀
(I'm going to delete this later if I remember.)
About that stay away agreement, the name of it is pretty straightforward: to stay away. On the paper I was made to sign, it said that I could not make direct or indirect contact with Jackie or Peter. They decided to add a new rule for me specifically by stating that if I did something as much as mention their names or the situation that unfolded, I would be disciplined. This rule not only applies on school premises, it also applies on the internet as well. Currently, I am being heavily monitored on my social media accounts. But one thing I know is that they don't know of this blog. So I'm just gonna vent here lol.
I hate the way they handled the situation. I was told that I had no reason to be angry about what had been done to me because Jackie had "so many good things to say about me." Excuse me? You expect me to care that someone who almost drove me to the brink of suicide has so many alleged "good things" to say? It felt so condescending to hear that from a school administrator.
"I don't know why you're so angry if she isn't!" Did you even take the time to fully understand the situation to at least understand it? Did anyone even pay attention to what I said in the meltdown I had? All people took from it was the devil worship from freshman year and now I have literal people backing away from me at school (mostly those in her friend circle but still). Apparently, everyone else couldn't hear the part about how Peter changed my life but okay!
And don't even get me started with the whole reason why the school didn't even do anything about it. Since the scars that were caused were mental and not physical... I kid you not this lady with a blonde bob told me I should just "forgive and forget!" As if that wasn't what I was trying to do for a year?
The whole reason why I even had the idea to confront her was the school counselor! A week before she said something like "Have you tried talking to her about it" and I thought to myself: oh I could try that! She was there in the office with my mother and the damn police officer and I told this to her face! And she dares to say that I'm "obsessed" with the situation.
Well, the day I tried confronting Jackie I accidentally called her a female dog (and apologized, it's not hard to do) but eventually, we agreed to talk. Around my 7th period or so I felt this invisible force pushing me. I didn't even realize it was her until she spoke. So I tend to not look people in the eye when I speak (idk it makes me stutter a lot). She forced me to make direct eye contact with her and I tried explaining to her why I was so upset with her but I had no words to describe it at the moment. Then she said this: "Well, honestly, I don't know why you're so angry!" That just set me off. I told her that we could try talking another day but she insisted on talking about it at that very moment. I told her that I needed more time.
"You need more time? You need more time!?" She just kept repeating it. I walked off and as I was walking off I heard her say: "You need more time? Do you need more time? All you do is whine."
Well, that was what caused me to post that meltdown on Instagram. The next day after being sent to the office she was "worried for me" as if she wasn't complaining about how I "wanted to get in the way with her man"... Lovingly, nobody else but you wants Peter.
Don't even get me started with that one note! First of all, it was 3 weeks old. If it takes you that long to report what you see as a potential threat then I wouldn't even trust you with my damn life. The audacity to report that at the same time when I was at my lowest. All that did was make things worse for me mentally. If you claim to care so much about my mental well-being then don't report me? I already had things rough at home. These people don't care about mental health, they don't care when someone they know is just there, silently suffering. Nothing pisses me off more than people who claim to care about mental health but ostracize the mentally ill. It's all performative. Performative things piss me off, you either care or you don't. They handled this so horribly, that it makes me scared to even ask for help.
Note: After all that, she knows I want an apology, she even stated this herself, she just doesn't wanna give me one. Another thing, the only reason why I even had to sign that stay-away agreement was because of my art teacher. Bro get me out of here 💔💔.
