4/28/2025

Lord. Do you understand me?

I reached the point of feeling as if I'd been pushed into a corner... now, after years of pent up anger, I lashed out, now I have no privacy. I am paying for my stupidity.

I wish I never could feel. It's the whole reason why I got into this mess, to begin with. She knows I want an apology, she just doesn't want to give it. She knows I have mental problems now, she hopes Im okay. The school is trying to take me into a psych ward. Some say that what I'm going through is spiritual, some say it's mental, some say it's both. A lot of people in my grade know about my meltdown, but not the situation, they look upon me with pity.

With the way my life is right now, I wish I had gone through with my first attempt back in 2021. Out of all the billions of people in the word—Why did it have to be Peter? Why was he the catalyst that led me into who I am today? I can't bear this any longer. God, when will you take me in your arms and comfort me? All I crave is to be understood but the world refuses to listen to me. But you understand me, you understand my suffering. My soul yearns for you.

I may not pray as much as I used to, I may sin every single day, but you are the only reason why I keep moving forward. As long as I live and as long as I suffer, turn this life of mine into a love letter of your love. Take my suffering, use it to comfort others, comfort those who are struggling like me, make this life of mine bearable, turn this suffering into something beautiful.

I surrender fully to your will.