Everything feels like a chore- even praying the rosary. Brushing my teeth even, but I'm slowly starting to do it, my mom noticed that I've been neglecting my well so she made me, I love my mommy :)

Sometimes I pray it. Sometimes I don't. months ago praying was something I did out of love. I'd pray for my loved ones. I'd pray to God to be closer to him, even if I did feel a bit hopeless at times, wondering if I was gonna be alone for the rest of my life. Now I feel so drained, and unmotivated. I'm surprised that I haven't shot myself yet. But the LORD is my lifeline. Without him, I would be dead.

So here are some updates on life at the moment, I've fallen back into viewing porn and I'm not proud of it. I've given in to my desire to view that stuff easily. Instead of praying or working out or doing anything else, I kinda just dwell on the idea of it for a long time. Aint any better because school started weeks ago and sometimes I think about watching a porn video to 'relieve stress' once I got home...yeah im kinda cooked rn.

Well after watching a porn video I feel something but it ain't pleasure! Just disgusted over the fact that I'm returning to my old habits. So I installed this app and it blocks sites, I'm gonna block all the porn sites AND APPS on this phone and lock in on praying and stuff for the 2nd time this year, plus I want to read the Bible from start to finish to understand it better because the last time I read it was when I was in 2nd grade. And I want to go to confession, but it seems impossible as my mom can't seem to grasp how I could be in a state of mortal sin. Sorry Mama there's a lot you dont know, I wish I could tell you everything if I didn't have to be worried about my safety :(

Well, starting NOW I'm gonna LOCK IN. PRAY FOR ME Y'ALL cuz ima need it 🙏.