(Take this post either as a prayer request a cry for help, or both. Either way, both will be appreciated.)

I said it once I'll say it again. I am being seduced by my past experiences with witchcraft and devil worship, every day, every hour, every minute, it's become impossible to do something simple without thinking about it.

I cannot be in my room without being paranoid, thinking: "Is that picture of Mary looking at me." I'm exhausted: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, my faith is at its weakest. I've started to believe that maybe I'm just not meant to be a Christian, but the next second im on my bed, crying, just begging for God to take me already, sometimes even angry and cursing him with words of pure anger before regretting it.

My intrusive thoughts started telling me that I should just stop being a Christian and just give up. As always, there is a heavy emphasis on Devil worship. Thoughts about how I would be loved, never manipulated or abused again if I were to just leave the Catholic faith. I even have thoughts about wishing to be dammed to hell, and that maybe I should worship the devil after doing a bit of witchcraft during the summer. These thoughts are so deeply imprinted into my psyche, that it's as if I have pulled a whole 180.

It's hard to even pretend as if these thoughts are not there. Even when I write these thoughts persist, and I can't even think clearly because I have to take constant breaks after each sentence. The more I try to dispel them the worse they become. By the day im starting to find the thought of worshipping Satan enticing, and the idea of just surrendering to them becomes tempting by the day.

SOS gang. Im cooked.